I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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