"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
