I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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