3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize