I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
