My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
