Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
