We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize