If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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