I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
