she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
