I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
