just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
