I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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