Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Did I show you my penis last night?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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