That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
