I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
