I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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