I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
