He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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