Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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