i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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