Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
