remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
