I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
