Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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