if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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