$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she pinky promised me she was 18
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
