Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
