Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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