I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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