I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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