I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
