Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
