Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
