What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
