i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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