Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize