My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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