Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
