I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
