Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize