god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
