she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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