Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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