wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
