Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
