just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
