and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
