Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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