omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
