Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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