i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
this will be a night to untag.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
