is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
