You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
