remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
