physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize