I think im going to throw up on grandma
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
