the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize