so that wasnt chicken after all
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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