I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
