so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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