I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
