He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
