quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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