addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize