Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
