my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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