Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize