Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
