Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
