its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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