I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
