the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
