that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
