I wannas sexs uuuuu
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
