There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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