I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
and she was petting her beer can
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
