There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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