I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Michael Bay diarrhea
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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