i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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