ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize