Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
