Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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