the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Your penis caused this!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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