what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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