Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
