I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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