I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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