I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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