I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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