I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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