What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
even my farts smell like vagina
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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