"it" just moved
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
