it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
