i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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