Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
