it was like his penis was on wheels.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
