I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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