he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
