Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
