I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
