I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
