I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
