Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
